"Thank God because we didn't really have much else going in our game. I thought our five-on-five play was way below our capability level, so thank God our power play was sharp."
Kevin Constantine, coach of the Everett (Wash.) Silvertips hockey team, who offered thanks for having more players on the ice than the opposing team

"Thank God for dead soldiers."
Protest sign spotted at funerals for US soldiers killed in Iraq. Led by Rev. Fred Phelps and attended by members of his Westboro (Kan.) Baptist Church, the protests reflect the fundamentalist church's belief that military deaths in Iraq are God's punishment for the United States allowing homosexuals to live within its boarders

"Human life is a gift from our Creator—and that gift should never be discarded, devalued, or put up for sale."
President George Bush, as quoted from his 2006 State of the Union Address. As of February 2006, more than 28,000 Iraqi civilians and 2,200 US soldiers have died in the war in Iraq; as governor of Texas, George Bush presided over 152 executions

"I, uh, I had a conversation with God, basically. I don't know how to interpret this, but he said, 'I've given you this beautiful gift and you're throwing it away.' "
Fergie, singer of the poorly hyphenated group Black Eyed Peas, quoted in Blender magazine, thanking God for the courage to sing songs such as "My Humps," about her awesome tits and ass

"God has blessed me with legs and ass."
Stacy Keibler, former WWE starlet and current reality show dancer, quoted in Stuff magazine, thanking the Supreme Being for the body parts her male fans most often masturbate to